Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Feeling Morose

So what has been distracting me from writing my novel recently?

Yesterday evening, I went on a school trip with my English class.
We went to see The Duchess of Malfi in London - and what a cultural experience it was!
Well, we got there a few hours early so went to Tate Modern for a bit, in which I had the chance to see Damien's Hurst's Diamond Skull. (not entirely sure what its official name is).
It is an incredible thing. Well, for me it is. For me, it is beautifying on death - a very controversial idea. Also, the fact that it is so famous made it incredible - I was just thinking, WOW...this is the actual thing! They are actual diamonds!

We had to walk into a pitch black corridor and turn right. But the darkness was so penetratingly dark, it was hard to tell when to turn right. It made you rely on your own senses, an instinct I have been desperate to grapple at, as I said in an earlier post (for The Lightning and The Lightning Bug). I found this nasty at first, as I am not a huge supporter or pitch blackness, but exhilarating once I worked out that my body had instantly started to use is instinctive senses!
If anyone reading this is in London right now, I strongly advise you to have the experience! (It is the main exhibition piece in Tate Modern at the moment).
Upon turning right, a bright light hits your eyes, and you see the skull it a lit up box, glittering with an incredible quantity of real diamonds. I love this piece of art, yes, I do think it is art, because what I saw was incredible beauty on something dead. It was so beautiful, I could hardly tear my eyes off it!
I was hoping to see the rest of the Damien Hurst exhibition, but we were running out of time and it cost £15.

Now, there are some girls in my English Class you are the typical college cows. Those you find in films like Mean Girls or Never Been Kissed. Yes. They do exist. So, being an easily intimidated person, I dislike their company as many like me do. I was dreading having to eat in a restaurant with them because they'd be the incredibly lovely, outgoing, funny people (who just happened to be nasty to those they didn't like when those who they wanted to pander weren't around). However, luck unusually found me. They decided to go to Nando's while the rest of our class when to an Indian. There is one boy in our class who is incredibly lovely to me and a very good friend until those girls aren't around. So, with them gone, the teachers, him and I entertained those other quiet people with us. It was so much fun! Now, I'm not going to lie - we all like to be the centre of attention occasionally if we feel truly comfortable about it. And that's how I felt right then. Completely comfortable with having 8 eyes on me, chattering away.

So after a perfect meal out in London, we went to see The Duchess of Malfi in The Old Vic in London. This was one of the greatest plays I have ever seen! (Other than The War Horse which was truly, incredible.) The acting was marvelous and the plot just came alive in their hands! Sometimes, I watch a Jacobean play and don't understand what's being said because, it seems, neither to the actors, so I get bored and confused. But this was perfect.

So, overall, apart from the fact that I got to bed at 1:15am, after a long journey back home, it had been a perfect night.

It was today when it went all wrong. I was so tired, I felt ill, so at school, I slept on a sofa half the day, still felt ill when I had to go to lunch and feel ill now. Because my defencess were low, or perhaps because I was feeling more vulnerable all of a sudden, I felt judged left, right and centre. All of my ideas in my Drama class were dismissed, sniggered at or criticised. I felt ignored all day. And this is why I'm feeling morose. Life was on a high and then, like usual, took a turn for the worse.

Now, all I can do to make me feel better it to unleash this unwanted feeling onto  my online diary and hope that my readers to not get bored of my morose feelings. I am warning you, readers, this will either prevent me from writing anything in the next few days or will cause me to write tons of annoyingly depressing posts just to make me feel better.

So there we are. I'm feeling morose, ill and bloody tired! I need to wallow in my sorrows without being judged by anything. School girls are so immature to be acting as they do. They don't seem to take on their own agendas, they just copy the 'cool' people in films. Maybe we should pity them? Well, to tell the truth, I don't have the will power to do anything other than hate them right now.

I apologise for this sad post, but if there's anything you can think of to cheer me up, I assure you, it will not be a waste of time!

M. x

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